Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Zombies in the Workplace (Revised)

You’ve seen them before. One leg dragging, both eyes fighting for a direction to look, and there speech sounds of something out of a foreign film. Effort is the last thing on their mind. Then, as if charged by a lightning bolt, they pounce for that first bite on an unsuspecting soul for that easy kill. Leaving the carcass to rot once they have that one moment of gratification. Justifying there existence by this one kill. It’s always a brutish sight and you are left in a daze wondering how in the hell you let this corpse take your precious customer. Even more what kind of damage these feigns are having on your business and the employees they work with. One of them is too many. They must be eradicated when spotted. ZombieEmployees is what I’m talking about.

In business terms, the ZombieEmployees are ones that are just out there to grab a sale and not make a customer for life. They latch on for just that one bite. Never looking back after the sale is made for future or referral business. Your business can not survive with these types of employees. With no repeat business, there is no business.

On the surface, it seems to be a “no brainer, Grab that shotgun, aim, and pull the trigger. Hitting the Zombie right between the eyes and dropping them where they stand. Not leaving any chance for them to infect your other employees with this disease. You as a manager should take a tally every month on how many Zombies you eradicate. If not, you’ll have a full staff of these freaks. The only thing on the horizon for your business is failure.

The ideal situation would be not to even hire these ZombieEmployees. It’s not always that easy. They’re very crafty. They speak and present themselves very well. Once they make it past your HR Manger it all changes. They’re out for blood. You need to train your HR department on how to spot these Zombies. Here’s the best tip on finding a ZombieEmployee. They talk a great game, but when you look at their actual performance on paper; it’s all “lip service.”

So be careful. Keep an eye out. ZombieEmployee will always be filling out applications and sneaking through your H.R. department. Just make sure they’re winding up on your competitors mouse pad and not yours.

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