Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Should be illegal to be this dumb
“Should be illegal to be this dumb”
Just received a great submission from a police officer out of Arkansas. First of all I want to thank him for the submission and secondly thank him for his service. On that not he was kind enough to take time out of his day to share a great story with me and I want to share it with the Reynolds Wrapping Viewers.
I was on the way to the county jail doing my normal routine. I noticed a vehicle in front of me almost side swipe a car. Being a police officer I kind of have to take notice of these infractions. So, I continued to follow the vehicle that was driving erratically. I don’t think she realized she was in the good ol USA, because she utilized both sides of the road. Mainly the left. In my mind I though hey I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she just maybe had moved over from Japan, Europe, or any other country that drives on the opposite side as we do. I contacted dispatch and advised the situation and location of the infraction. Waiting for another unit to arrive and assist me, I kept her in my line of sites. I would have pulled her over right then, but I already had a perpetrator in the back of the squad car. (Thing about being a cop is that no matter how bad the economy is, my jobs secure.)
As I continue to follow her I take notice that she’s going right towards the jail and eventually pulls into the P.D. parking lot. Which actually is going to make my job a hell of a lot easier. I step out of my squad car, secure the perpetrator in the back, and ask to see her drivers license. She hands me her license and tells me she’s there to see a friend. I thought in my mind, “Oh you’ll be seeing her real soon alright.” I took notice that she was wound up like Richard Simmons sweating to the oldies. Little problem here in the Midwest we like to call Meth.(It's a drug like speed made from everything under the kitchen sink.)
I walked nicely over to her and informed her that I would personally be taking her directly to see her friend. I asked her kindly to slip on these high-fashioned silver bracelets and Ill lead the way. The happy ending to this story is that she got to see her friend. Probably a little closer and longer than to her liking though. This is one for the record books. Another criminal we can add to the list of Americas Dumbest Criminals.
Submission by Wes Hart
Thanks again Wes for your service and your submission. I’m sure well be seeing a lot more submissions from this patriot. There's never a shortage of dumb criminals. Wes Is one of the best officers out there. So I’m sure he'll be arresting a ton of them!
Zombies in the Workplace (Revised)
In business terms, the ZombieEmployees are ones that are just out there to grab a sale and not make a customer for life. They latch on for just that one bite. Never looking back after the sale is made for future or referral business. Your business can not survive with these types of employees. With no repeat business, there is no business.
On the surface, it seems to be a “no brainer, Grab that shotgun, aim, and pull the trigger. Hitting the Zombie right between the eyes and dropping them where they stand. Not leaving any chance for them to infect your other employees with this disease. You as a manager should take a tally every month on how many Zombies you eradicate. If not, you’ll have a full staff of these freaks. The only thing on the horizon for your business is failure.
The ideal situation would be not to even hire these ZombieEmployees. It’s not always that easy. They’re very crafty. They speak and present themselves very well. Once they make it past your HR Manger it all changes. They’re out for blood. You need to train your HR department on how to spot these Zombies. Here’s the best tip on finding a ZombieEmployee. They talk a great game, but when you look at their actual performance on paper; it’s all “lip service.”
So be careful. Keep an eye out. ZombieEmployee will always be filling out applications and sneaking through your H.R. department. Just make sure they’re winding up on your competitors mouse pad and not yours.
Quitting Not in this Mans Vocab
Lately it seems like every time I log in to Facebook, someone is either pregnant or getting married. Having kids or getting divorced. I always thought, growing up, that having a big family was for the birds and that I would be happiest as a bachelor for life. But as I get closer to thirty, I feel that little part of my 'grinch-green' heart begin to tug at me. It says, "Hey man, you're not getting any younger! It's time to stop being selfish and settle down for once!" Is it selfish to follow your dreams? To pursue your passion? At what point is one suppose to give up and settle down?
By my 26th birthday I had lived in 7 states and several major cities, including New York City and recently Los Angeles. When I was 12 years old my mom convinced me to audition for a local theater company in Columbia, Missouri by the name Columbia Entertainment Company. I considered myself an athlete because I played pee-wee football every year....but who was I kidding. Walking on to that stage, I was instantly in love. I was enamored with the attention and the ability to transform yourself or pretend to be someone else. Not only that but people would stand up and clap for you when you were finished?! Amazing! I have pursued music and acting ever since. I've been out west for almost two years now and I have to admit, it doesn't get easier. Unfortunately, I was hit with a harsh reality that the cliche, "it's not what you know, it's who you know" is very, very true. The hardest part about being a 'performing artist' is the constant fear of rejection; living with a never-ending insecurity that you're not good enough or that you never know where your next meal is coming from. Being from the mid west, the media and society makes life in Hollywood look so, totally glamorous. Guess what? It's quite the opposite. Between the cost of living, the politics and the fake personalities you deal with on a daily basis, it is far from a beautiful lifestyle. It's a daily networking battle, marketing every second, trying to get your name out there.
I attended a performing arts school in NYC after high school, thinking it would catapult me into success. While it does look good on a resume, the "Hollywood types" in LA could really care a less. It's such a reality TV world out there now. And again, if your last name doesn't ring a bell like Jake or Maggie Gyllenhaal's parents or Scott Caan's dad, you’re at the bottom of a very long waiting list. The question is: do you have the patience to wait? To be honest, I was afraid for the longest time of ever venturing out west. People told me for years that I should just drop everything and do it or that I wasn't getting any younger. They were right. I am considered to be in my 'older years' in the modeling world for sure.
On one hand, I do have the urge to settle for a steady paycheck and start a family. Mow the yard and pay a mortgage. But the biggest part of me still refuses to leave any rock unturned. I don't want to be laying on my 'death bed' wondering "what if". A lot of folks squirm at the idea of such instability but the truth is: I like my life. I like not punching a clock. I like being my own boss and making my own schedule. And although this sounds crazy, it's kind of exciting not knowing when my next paycheck is coming. It makes the battle so much more fulfilling when you finally land a gig and head to the bank, knowing that you're a survivor in the craziest city on the planet.
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